Child's Play

“I’m bored!” It’s a niggling whine that gets under our skin; a familiar growl of discontent. Maybe its school holidays or another rainy day, but whatever the reason, our children’s world seems dull and they crave stimulation and excitement.

The relentless whinging is irritating, so what’s the solution?  Perhaps a quick-fix of entertainment?  A new Xbox game or a trip to the movies? Or would they benefit from the experience of boredom? 

If we provide entertainment every time our children whinge, they become more dependent on us to solve their problems and it reinforces their learned helplessness. Try stepping back when the kids complain about feeling bored. This can empower them to find their own way out of the boredom, and the problem-solving process helps them feel good about themselves. Kids need downtime and an oversupply of “things” can, in fact, just produce more discontent.

Technology contributes to the problem of boredom as children rely on their screens for passive entertainment, but unplugging the media can lead to a major meltdown. Without the drip-feed of technology, children have to relearn to play and engage with the real world and real people. This is not easy, so be prepared for some agonising moments of utter misery when their screen-time is reduced. 

Self-directed play

University of the Sunshine Coast Associate Professor Dr Michael Nagel says we shouldn’t be too concerned if our children say they are bored, as they are actually quite capable of entertaining themselves. 

“Self-entertainment requires children to think of things to do and to think of how to make use of the immediate environment,” he says. 

“They then use this to create imaginary worlds, build cubby houses, or just about anything else that previous generations might have done. Freedom and independence to explore through self-directed play is an important aspect of child development.”

Dr Nagel says children have an “amazing capacity” to play with the most mundane things and find enjoyment in them, and they don’t need to be overloaded with the latest sophisticated toys. 

“People hear the word ‘play’ and they assume it has to be always some measure of entertainment,” he says. “I like the word ‘exploration’, because kids will find they will be able to play with plastic bowls and get enjoyment out of that.”  

The teenager’s world 

As kids grow older, their entertainment comes from their friends and various activities that involve their peers, for example, sports or music. 

Technology and social media is an important part of the teenagers’ world, but Dr Nagel explains that technology requires children to act as passive recipients of information and it cannot offer the same type of human and social interactions the real world does.  

“There is some worrying research suggesting that the today’s media environments may be having a negative impact on children’s capacities for paying attention and as such, children may find it difficult to entertain themselves,” he says. “You have to try and find a balance, to make sure that it’s not their entire world.” 

He advises parents to set firm, consistent guidelines about technology use and also to model appropriate behaviour with their own use of technology. 

The essentials: safety, security and love

Dr Nagel says kids don’t necessarily need to be stimulated all the time—they need downtime, to rest and relax. “Children’s brains are growing and changing and need a rest just like the body needs a rest,” he says.

Responding positively to children with our full attention is beneficial for their development, but Dr Nagel says that doesn’t mean we have to be the sole provider of entertainment for our kids, because the day-to-day reality is that most parents are busy.

“In terms of really healthy development what we know about children is that they need safety, security and positive relationships, and everything else seems to take care of itself after that,” he says.

Resources at home and in the local area 

Father of three, Ben Hewitt, believes that parents take too much responsibility for entertaining their children, and this can mean that kids always “want” something and can’t amuse themselves. Ben says there are plenty of cost-effective ways for children to occupy themselves around the home and in the local community.

His three children, Coco, 12, Noah, 10, and five-year-old  Jaega, are resourceful and they usually find something to do. A piece of chalk can lead to a game of hopscotch in the driveway, and other activities include drawing and artwork, reading books, playing with Lego, gardening, make-believe, tea parties and simple free play.  

“You don’t have to spend a lot of money. There are skate parks and libraries—you can utilise what the Council provides,” Ben says. 

“There are parks pretty much within a kilometre of any house, really, so you can always walk to the park, or you can go down to the duck pond and feed the ducks.  

“If you’re cleaning the house, why not involve them? Let them grab a broom or a washer and wipe down the bench or do the dishes. There’s no age limit on that.” 

The latest toys don’t necessarily bring hours of entertainment, and Ben says that the children often end up forgetting about them. 

“They play with them once or whatever, and then they end up playing with the cardboard box that the toy came in,” he says. 

Holiday fun 

A keen surfer, Ben often takes the kids on surfing trips and in the school holidays, they go camping on some of Queensland’s stunning islands, beaches and rivers. 

The family travelled around Australia for nine months, staying in remote communities, meeting many fascinating characters along the way and learning about the Australian environment firsthand. At night they went spotlighting and saw possums, bilbies and numbats, and by day, they fished and swam and went for bush walks. 

Teens and technology

Now that they’ve settled back into life on the Coast, Ben finds that 12-year-old Coco spends more time on the computer than her younger brothers. 

“Once they hit that cusp, that transition from childhood to teenagers, they become more reliant on technology,” Ben says.

All children complain about being bored at some point, but Ben says it’s more of an issue for Coco and he believes that like many preteen and teenage girls, her “boredom” stems from a desire to go out and spend money, whether it’s at the movies or shopping. 

Ben monitors the children’s screen time and if they are spending too long on the computer, he simply disconnects the modem. 

“You have to, otherwise they get zoned out...and before you know it they’ve been on it for two hours or four hours,” he says. “Kids have been fine for thousands of years without technology, so I don’t think there’s any harm in turning all your multi- media products off. They might have a whinge about it for half an hour, but they’ll soon forget about it. They move on pretty quickly.”

A disconnect from all screens

Columnist, author and mother-of-three Susan Maushart decided to pull the plug on everything electronic in the family home for six months because she was worried that her teenage kids were living their lives through screens.

“We were so totally connected, yet so worryingly dis-connected. I was also really, really, really curious to test out whether being online 24/7 was essential to my kids’ learning, as they had always protested, or just a scam to get more time chatting with friends, buying stuff on eBay, watching catch-up TV and downloading music,” she says.  

 “To be honest, I wasn’t that far behind them. My relationship with my iPhone had all the intensity of an illicit affair. I even gave it a pet name and started buying it outfits.”  

All types of screens, including TV, DVDs, Internet, computers of any kind, smartphones and iPods, were off limits for six months.  The experiment became the subject of a book, The Winter of Our Disconnect.

The struggle with boredom

Susan says that without technology, her kids struggled with boredom, especially in the early weeks. 

“That was part of my evil plan: I wanted them to experience boredom, and then to experience taking responsibility for alleviating it in more self-reliant, novel, creative ways,” she says.

“The weird thing was, their friends wanted to hang out with us. The novelty value of a home where ‘hanging out’ meant talking, listening to music, playing board games, cooking and making up idiotic and wildly fun games proved irresistible. Go figure…”

Susan says the word “boredom” needs to be examined closely, because it covers a lot of ground.

“If we never allow our kids to have what is euphemistically called ‘downtime’ we deprive them of the joy of developing an inner life, inner resources,” she says.  

“The thought that we may be raising a generation of kids who have lost the art of daydreaming, for example, is to me very depressing.”  

The rewards of disconnecting 

The biggest reward from the disconnect experience for Susan’s family was the improved quality of their interactions as a family. 

“We got closer. Much closer. We had more fun. We … connected. That was the prize, really,” she says.

Susan also realised that she had a responsibility as a parent and as a person, to use media deliberately and to make conscious, informed choices instead of throwing up her hands because “it’s all too hard.”  

“My kids learned to take responsibility for their own boredom – and by extension for their lives,” she says. “They were appalled to discover what a time-suck their various media habits had become. And, like me, they experienced firsthand the power of making choices about media.” 

Further reading: The Winter of our Disconnect by Susan Maushart (Random House)