Kids on the coast

Of my kids, one slept, one couldn’t and one didn’t, but then inexplicably changed his mind. Somehow every time I mentioned that my new baby wasn’t sleeping to someone whose baby was, I would get ‘that look’ that said “you obviously aren’t doing it right”. While parenting manuals can give you lots of good ideas,

I discovered finding what works for you is really down to trial and error.

Child health consultant and director of Settle Petal Jan Murray says there are many variables for getting babies to sleep and therefore there is no blanket rule. “A mother has a special bond with her baby and often instinctively knows best,” she says, “These days parents aren’t encouraged or supported enough to go with their instincts.”

Our mothers and grandmothers might recommend early establishment of routines, favour controlled crying and not ‘spoiling’, but the tide has turned somewhat on those issues. “I would never recommend leaving babies to cry for long periods of time without giving cuddles and reassurance intermittently, even if it gets them more frustrated when you leave the room,” Jan says.
 
She suggests a small baby needs comfort, security and the reassurance of knowing you’ll be there at anytime of the day or night. The 16-18 hours sleep your newborn is ‘supposed’ to be having might turn out to be more like 8, or if you are exceptionally lucky, 23. Typically a breastfed baby will be feeding every two hours at first, which means you won’t be getting much sleep till around 3-4 months and surely won’t be sleeping through the night until at least 6-8.

Just as some adults can get by on very little sleep, so do some babies. In the adult world, a grown-up getting by without much sleep is considered a high achiever; while a baby needing little sleep is simply high maintenance. Unfortunately babies who are wakeful grow into children who sleep very little, with parents who sleep even less.

Controlled crying seems to be the most contentious issue in the battle for sleep. Known as the technique for those with nerves of steel (or as desperate as they are fatigued), some child health professionals assert that this is the best way to teach a child to learn to fall asleep on their own. The method includes waiting 15 minutes before going to your baby when they cry and increasing the length in small increments.

Alternatively, using Systematic Awakening, you work out their usual waking times and wake them 30 mins before that time, then put them back to sleep – gradually lengthening the time between these systematic awakenings. Jan believes it isn’t advisable to try this method before four months, and then only after addressing any underlying sleep-effecting conditions.

So how do you help a new baby learn to sleep through the night?

Distinguish Day from Night

Try helping them to differentiate day from night by having clear day and night routines, maybe sleeping them in a different place during the day, not making it too dark or too quiet. At night try soothing music, only speak in a whisper, stay inside the room but avoid playing with your child. Keep the room dark – with just enough light so that you can see each other and they know where they are when they wake.

Sleeping Positions

The Australian College of Paediatrics recommends that healthy full term babies be put to sleep on their backs, to lower the risk of SIDs death. Some babies are just not comfortable in this position (babies born OP tend to find it hard) and will sleep better on their sides. To make back sleep easier, start it straight away and if your baby seems uncomfortable in the cot, start with a bassinet for a more cosy fit. Swaddling can also make babies feel more secure and some like a sleeping bag rather than a blanket. Make sure all bedding is securely tucked in and always sleep them at the foot of the cot. Control the temperature – too hot or too cold can make sleep difficult.

Movement

After nine months of being rocked to sleep, your baby will be conditioned to respond to movement. Rocking and swaying helps a baby to fall asleep and a brilliant solution is the baby hammock. It keeps the baby feeling snug and their movement will make the hammock gently bounce and swing, helping them back to sleep.

Routine

Following the same routine every night can help them feel secure. A warm bath, followed by a massage, for instance, relaxes them for sleep. Find a routine that works for you and stick to it. It will stand you in good stead through teething, weaning and in unusual places.

Co-sleeping

Sending shivers down the spine of some, co-sleeping has fuelled many heated parenting debates. “Co-sleeping is a great way to help babies sleep,” Jan says, “but both parents need to be able to sleep as well. Research shows that sharing a room in the first 12 months can even reduce the incidence of SIDS.”

Newborns have very restless sleep. Most of their sleep is REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep – an active phase where they dream and move a lot, sometimes letting out a cry but not necessarily waking. This can affect parents’ quality of sleep when co-sleeping. These periods become less frequent as babies mature, alternating with longer periods of deep sleep where they appear completely ‘out’.

Sharing a room is a step down from co-sleeping, but has many of the same benefits – closeness, security and being on hand for feeding. The risk is you respond too quickly and it’s a good idea to see if your baby can resettle before jumping to their side.

The demands of a non-sleeping baby can play havoc with the rest of your lives and a tired, stressed parent will find it hard to summon the necessary patience to deal with a crying baby. Perhaps the best advice is, do whatever works for YOU, because every baby is different and at times it’s all about survival.

Further reading

Taste it
by Jan Murray
Jan Murray from Settle Petal has just published this guide to healthy eating for toddlers. Packed with easy recipes and health advice, it inspires food creativity.

To win one of three copies visit www.kidsonthecoast.com.au

Save our sleep
by Tizzie Hall

If you haven’t overcome the sleep issues by the end of the first year, (or your toddler’s sleep patterns go haywire), this book contains handy hints for getting on top of the issue. It includes ideas on bedtime routines, comfort aids, and adjustments to feeding. With personal stories and answers to many parenting questions, it just may help settle your toddler.