Kids on the coast

During my first pregnancy in the ‘80s, I optimistically watched the baby food commercials where a beautiful baby, replete with food, lay down in his cot and blissfully fell asleep. Then MY baby arrived and it was obvious he had never watched those commercials – he didn’t eat OR sleep. This just goes to illustrate, no matter what we think being a parent will be like, no matter what we have read, the reality is different.
 
I rushed to the experts and found there’s a long tradition of expert flip-flops and changing parenting philosophies stretching back generations. From the strict routines of the 1950s to flexible attitudes today, it’s hard to know what advice to trust.

“Trust yourself. You know more than you think.”This excellent piece of advice was given by Dr Benjamin Spock in his book, Dr Spock’s Baby and Child Care, first published in 1945, and made it to its seventh edition in 2004. Dr Spock was an American paediatrician who was the first to study psychoanalysis to try to understand the needs of families and family dynamics. He believed parents should be flexible in their parenting, treating the children as individuals, not just focusing on discipline. This was ground-breaking at the time he put pen to paper.
 
Back then, the roles of men and women were clearly defined and the responsibility of looking after the children was primarily given to the mother. Fathers were banned from delivery rooms, and women smoked through their pregnancies to avoid hefty weight gain.

There were no antenatal classes and rather than being pushed from the labour ward to make room, women would often spend a week or two in hospital to recover from the ordeal of giving birth. That time in ‘confinement’ wasn’t used for education, however, and it was often not until she took the baby to the clinic that she was given instructions on how to bath and feed him. The clinic sister was the main, and often the only professional advicer for new mothers.

Establishing routines was considered an important part of being a good mother back then. Mothers did their best to convince their babies that they should feed every four hours, then sleep. If the baby had other ideas he was woken and fed anyway. This was to insure the baby was fed often enough to remain healthy. Imagine waking your baby for a feed now?

It was an era before packaged baby food and there weren’t even supermarkets, so mothers had to prepare all the food themselves. It was the clinic sister who advised when to start the baby on solids. Although mothers took care of the baby (with no help from eager fathers to assist with changing, feeding or bathing), it was usually the fathers who were the disciplinarians with the children.

The 1980s saw a new generation of parents where fathers were, all of a sudden, welcomed into the delivery room. At that time caesarean sections were performed if a natural birth was impossible, midwives were not an option, and often the GP delivered the baby.

Mothers still tended to take on the role of primary care givers, but fathers were far more hands on. Many women returned to work after a brief maternity leave, and fathers sometimes took leave to look after the children while their wives worked full-time. Generally though, mothers were responsible for establishing routines.

Even then, the hospital stay after childbirth was quite long. With the first baby it was accepted the mum would stay a week. During this time, the new mum was given very strict instructions on the correct bathing routine and babies were usually given formula to supplement breast milk, until the milk came through. Both mum and baby were visited daily by the doctor, and tests were done on the baby to make sure all was well.

Feeding time changed to when the baby cried but breast feeding in public was not acceptable, so mum’s had to ‘disappear’to a room to feed.The baby’s progress was monitored by the clinic sister. Each baby had a little yellow book where all the relevant details were kept. She also gave lots of advice to anxious mums.

Back then, solids were generally introduced at about three months, and for some reason the first solid to be introduced was tinned custard. Apparently, it was not as rich as home made custard, and very easy to digest. As an ‘80s mum, I am amazed that I took so much advice from one source about my babies’ welfare, but I confess I did. I suspect we Baby Boomers were very good at doing what we were told, probably because of the routines established by our parents.

In the ‘80s it was generally the mum who woke at night to attend to the crying baby, but men were beginning to appreciate that being a father meant feeding, changing, and bathing babies, as well as taking a turn to walk the floor with the fractious infant. Babies were not usually encouraged into any routines, but these began as soon as the child was able to comprehend. The word NO was applied liberally, and smacks were commonplace forms of discipline.

Perhaps the most sought after child expert in the ‘80s was Dr Christopher Green. A paediatrician and honorary consultant to Westmead children’s hospital, in Sydney, his book Toddler Taming became an invaluable parenting manual for many parents.

Times have changed, and so has parenting. Today both parents enjoy the responsibility of looking after the baby and plan most things together. Both men and women attend antenatal classes and there are even parenting classes in hospital. Custard has given way to rice cereal and smacking has been replaced with the ‘naughty corner’. The only certainty is change itself and even those things we take now as best practice are likely to meet criticism in the future. As you chuckle at parenting advice of the 1970s, just remember, our kids will probably be laughing at our methods too!
Just for a chuckle

“Make sure … he always has a sufficient supply of clean laundry to see him through your absence. And if he’s going to be home alone, stock the larder now with the kinds of foods he’s able to manage.”- Marcia Morton. Pregnancy Notebook: A Month-by-Month Guide Covering All Those Non-Medical Things the Doctor Doesn’t Tell You. 1972

“Whether or not an anaesthetic is necessary and what kind of anaesthetic are things your doctor will decide. Your safety and that of your baby are his responsibility. You should discuss this matter with him ahead of time so you will know what to expect.” - The Canadian Mother and Child. 1970